Mom Talk

It's official. I'm turning into my mother.

I'm not actually saying that this is a bad thing. She is wonderful.

It's just that I hear words coming out of my mouth lately that I can't really believe I am saying. I don't even mean to. They just come out.

Like a few minutes ago, when Jake asked for another thing to eat. It's 9:30. He has already had a bowl of cereal, a glass of milk, a container of yogurt, a cup of juice, a banana, another bowl of cereal, and probably some unauthorized snacks as well. I get that he's a growing boy and I promise I am not trying to starve him, but come on. You do not need to ask me for food every 13 seconds. And you really, really don't need to cry and whine when I say, "no, not right now."

He broke me. After the 475th time he asked for another snack, I said it.

"Go ahead, Jacob. Eat til you throw up."

My Mom said this all the time. Some of us actually did it.

I've also heard myself say the following:

"Do whatever you want. You don't listen to me anyway."

"I don't know where you shoes are. I didn't wear them."

"Your eyes are going to turn into little tv's if you keep staring at the television like that." (Seriously, this is one of the weirdest ones...but somehow it came out of my mouth.)

"I'm going to tell dad about you when he gets home."

"She's dead." (This is a great response to "Mom! Mom! Mom! Hey, Mom!")

There have been many, many others. But now I get it. My poor Mom had FOUR children.

I was talking with a friend the other day and we were discussing the things we say that we never thought we would say to our children. It's very easy to be idealistic before you actually have children. It's particularly easy to be that way when you are, say, a teenager and you know so much more than your parents do. You know you will never say such things to your own children.

And then you have one and you start to hear your Mom's voice coming out of your mouth occasionally. Once in a while, you break and say a less than kind word to your child in a moment of frustration.

And then, you have another kid and all of that idealism kinda flies out the window. That's when you start to say things like:

 

"Just shut up."

"Do that again and I'm gonna slap you."

"I'm taking a crap! What do you think I'm doing in here?"

"No. No, I will not share my M&M's with you because you are being annoying and I don't have to share with you."

"What is wrong with you?"

Yeah, it's been a rough couple of days around here. For some reason, both boys have decided that it's really cool to get up before the sun. I'm not sure what the allure is. They also suck at taking naps, so spend most of the day tired and whiney.

One can only take so many hours of whining before losing it. It seems awfully unfair that by getting up earlier they are adding extra hours to my work day. I would like to be compensated, please.

And just to be clear, none of this is really a complaint...more of an observation. I wouldn't trade this for anything and I love those little turkeys.  I think I just need a nap.

But really...

I could do without the banana peel, guys.