Little Reminders

Yesterday, Ben and I went in to the hospital to have our "big" ultrasound. I was nervous all morning. It's important to mention that I am not typically nervous about doctor appointments. I was nervous about this because it's not about me...it's about the new little baby that we're waiting for.

Now before anyone reading this gets upset and thinks that there is something wrong, let me assure you that there is nothing to be concerned about.

I was nervous only because of my last experience at this same ultrasound appointment with Jacob. Pregnancy had been easy, baby appeared to be perfect...and then the ultrasound tech called in the genetic counselor at the end of our appointment and explained to us that there was a small calcium deposit on the baby's heart. The calcium deposit on its own was completely harmless and in no way indicated a heart problem. The reason that it was concerning them was because it was one of the many markers (though, thankfully, the only they saw) for a chromosomal problem with the baby. We'd already done all of the blood screening tests and gotten negative results for these problems, but it was still scary to hear that there could maybe, possibly be something wrong with our perfect baby. We chose not to say anything about this to our family or friends...what was the point, really? It was not going to change our course of action regardless of a problem that was or was not there. Jacob was born beautiful, healthy, and perfect in every way. And I had not really given that little calcium deposit any more thought...until yesterday.

Laying there on the ultrasound table (having to pee worse than I had ever had to pee in my life...it hurt), I was anxious for her to get to the part where she looked at the heart. Of course, the baby would not cooperate for that part and she had to keep coming back to try to get the images she needed. And of course, this increased my anxiety about it because I wondered if this was normal or if she was trying to get more pictures because there was something out of the ordinary. Eventually, she did get all of the images she needed and told us we were done. She said "congratulations" but that was about it. I wanted her to say "Baby looks perfect" or something like that...

And none of that was actually what I sat down here to write about, actually. I suppose I was just trying to figure out why I was in such an irritable mood on a day when I should have been excited. Anyhow, the day ended badly. The biggest stress in life lately (aside from the disgusting rat problem we're having) has been "What are we going to do with this house?" Do we add on? Do the kids share a room? Do I give up having a place for guests to stay? I have wanted to discuss, figure out our options, formulate a plan. And I've been so frustrated by what I see as Ben's lack of interest in the whole thing. The "discussion" always ends the same way. I get upset because I want to start planning things and getting ready for this new baby to come...and Ben doesn't understand why I'm being such a psycho about it.

I went into the back room and watched a movie by myself and fell asleep there, and stayed there. Was I really fighting with Ben about our house? When I think about it like that, it's stupid, and I know that. But this is clearly not the first time we've gotten upset about this issue. Waking up this morning, it was still tense because of the "discussion" we had last night.

Ben left to take Jacob to the park so I could rest (isn't he such a huge jerk?) and I checked my email. There was a message from my dad with a link to a video.

http://www.simpletruths.com/dash/index.html

Makes me feel a little silly for spending the night upset about a house.

I'm lucky to have all that I have, and I know I'm truly blessed. I love that life (or your dad) sends you little reminders about the important things, just when you need reminding.