The Bink

I have said for three years now that when Jake turned three, he would have to lose the binkie.

He turned three February 1st.

He still sleeps with that binkie.

I caved in on his birthday because he wasn't even able to sleep at home...we were in the middle of refinishing the ceilings in the bedrooms and the whole house was a bit chaotic. I didn't have the heart to make him cry on his birthday, and thought there was enough disruption in his life at that point that the fight wasn't worth it. After all, he only uses it at night.

So today I was looking at his silly little smile and examining his teeth. I swear, the two front ones on the bottom are turning in, right where a binkie would push on them. Maybe I'm imagining it, maybe this has nothing to do with the binkie at all, but it made me decide that now is as good a time as any. He knows he is a big boy and he knows this is coming.

Jake was very mellow all day today, and even more agreeable than usual at bedtime. We had a bath, read a silly story...and then talked about how big boys don't sleep with binkies. He seemed to understand the concept, though he definitely did not agree. I am pretty sure if he knew the expression "agree to disagree" he would have used it.

I had one of the two remaining binkies hidden in my pocket, and told him that it would be a good night to just try sleeping without it. He, of course, needed a drink of water. I even left the cup next to his bed because "big boys get to keep water by their beds." (It's funny the rules and "laws" I've learned since having kids.)

Since it was already late and I knew he was tired, I figured if he could just be calm about not having it for a few minutes, he would drift off and we could celebrate the victory in the morning. I was actually sure that he would fall asleep.

We looked at the clock. It said 8:44. He agreed to go without until nine-oh-oh. Kisses, hugs, goodnights.

"Remember, mom. Nine-oh-oh and I get my binkie."

"Right Jake. Goodnight."

I came out into the living room and showed off the prize hidden in my pocket to Ben. One icky yellow binkie. I told Ben about our little deal. I also joked that Jake would either fall right asleep or be sitting there patiently til nine-oh-oh and then demand the binkie.

I sat down at my computer and got lost on Facebook for a bit. I happened to look at the clock on my computer screen just as it changed from 8:59 to....

"Nine-oh-oh, Mommy. You can come and bring me my binkie now, please."

So, at least we are practicing patience?

And is it silly that I am a little sad about the whole idea, too? Jake is my baby...the binkie is one of the few remaining baby things left about him. He's such a little boy now. These last few weeks are the first time in his whole life that I've ever really felt like time was going by too fast. I want to bottle up his sweetness and innocence and keep him like this forever.

One of my most favorite parts of the day is early in the morning when Jake crawls into bed next to me and is cuddly and warm and sleepy. He snuggles down under the covers with his head on my pillow and watches Sesame Street until Ryan wakes up Then comes my other most favorite part of the day. I adore Ben and wish he could be home with us all day, but I have to admit that I relish that quiet time first thing in the morning when I get to have both of my boys all to myself, with their messy morning hair and sleepy eyes. I love having them both in the big bed with me on a cloudy morning, dogs curled around our feet, Curious George on the little tv on my dresser.

I love it even more when I realize that these perfect moments won't last forever. I mean, we do have to get out of bed and function on a daily basis and this I can deal with. What makes me get all teary is knowing that this part of my life won't last forever. I know that there are many beautiful things to come and I intend to enjoy every minute of each and every one of them...but I already know that this, this hectic, exhausting, frustrating, wonderful, funny, sweet, crazy time will be one that I will always look upon as one of the best.